In Los Angeles, there are a few things that are abundant. Sunshine, Botox, and cheaters. It’s the land of crushed hopes and dreams and beautiful people. Or really, super skilled plastic surgeons. If the crazies on Vanderpump Rules taught us anything, it’s that men are trash and trust no one. I don’t know why any of them bother being in relationships or getting married—did you guys know you can just sleep with whoever you want and not even lie to anyone? It’s called being single. Try it. Anyway, here are all the times the Vanderpump Rules cast cheated on their significant others.
Stassi, the chin-implanted OG Queen of SUR, was a victim of one of the biggest cheating scandals on reality TV, thanks to her douchebag boyfriend at the time, Jax. His cheating was so bad that it overshadows her probably emotional affair she was having with complete sleaze Frank, another SUR lackey. Frank went on to share and attempt to sell a video of Stassi masturbating. What gems.
The original king of f*cking up. Who hasn’t Jax slept with? After passionately denying cheating, we found that Jax did impregnate a bottle service waitress in Vegas while he was with Stassi. Crazily enough, that wasn’t even the biggest scandal of the season. Because that’s when we found out that Jax also slept with Kristen, Stassi’s best friend, and Jax’s best friend’s girlfriend. Yikes. But guess what guys? Jax learns nothing. He then proceeds to play both Carmen and Tiffany. Then Tiffany books him an awesome paid-for trip to San Diego, where he sleeps with a rando there. Then he starts dating Brittany, which he lies about to Lala and says he wants to f*ck her (which I’m gonna go ahead and call CHEATING), and then he sleeps with fellow SUR employee Faith. And Brittany forgives him. And let’s be real, from what we’ve seen in season six, he isn’t even nice to Brittany. Jax, you’re super lucky you’re engaged to someone as dumb sweet as Brittany because I would have castrated you.
I don’t know how Sandoval gets away with so much. He is pretty much as slutty as Jax, but he’s so charming everyone just immediately forgives him. After Jax cheated with a bottle service waitress in Vegas, Sandoval did the same exact thing to Kristen right after. Then we found out he also cheated on her with Ariana. They say they just kissed, which is still cheating, but given this guy’s track record, I will call bullsh*t on that. He can sleep with a rando waitress but not total babe Ariana who he obviously had feelings for? Not buying it. I mean, Kristen’s cheating was so much worse, it made Sandoval look like the good guy here. When he starts dating Ariana, the trashiest trash West Hollywood has ever seen waltzes into SUR to claim that Sandoval slept with her in Miami. We’ll never know if Sandoval really hooked up with Miami Girl, but either way, he’s not an angel.
Ah, Schwartzy. This adult baby has no business being married, especially due to the fact that he tends to get blackout drunk, sleep make out with randos, pour drinks on people, then claim he doesn’t remember anything. Let me tell you, Schwartz, if you pour a drink on me, it’ll be the last thing you’ll ever do. Kristen claimed that Schwartz cheated on Katie with two different girls, one being a friend of Tiffany’s who claims to have slept with him. Then Schwartz made out with one of Scheana’s friends. Then we find out that Tom again made out with a rando on a guy’s trip. IDK, I’m not a lawyer, but when these many cheating accusations come up, some of which he admitted to, I’m gonna say he did it. Good luck with the marriage, though.
While we’re on the topic of Katie, considering she just follows around Schwartz and whines, it seems like she’d have no other time for cheating. However, according to Scheana, Katie apparently “motorboated some guy’s dick” wayyy back in season three. I don’t think this is a thing, but all the guys were jumping all over her about it. Except for Schwartz, who in typical Schwartzy fashion DGAF. Did Katie cheat? I mean, I feel like this event happened, but it’s so weird, I’m not sure if it’s cheating. Sorry, Bubba.
We know Ariana cheated with Sandoval while he was with Kristen, but I don’t think we’ve heard anything about Ariana cheating on him. Granted, she mostly follows him around crying. Ariana, you used to be so cool. Don’t let a man do this to you.
Scheana’s biggest claim to fame isn’t her tragic singing career or Dead-Tooth-Gate, but the fact that she was one of Eddie Cibrian’s mistresses while he was still married to Brandi Glanville. Dream big, girl. She definitely knew he was married with kids, so I do blame her for her involvement in this. She then proceeded to cry about how Brandi didn’t like her, even though she apologized. Like, Scheana. That’s fair. You f*cked the woman’s husband—one apology isn’t gonna suddenly make you besties. That’s not how the world works. Also, I’ll take a pinot grigio.
Ah, Kristen. SUR’s resident psychopath. This is going to take a while. Let’s see. Kristen slept with Jax while dating his best friend Sandoval, and then proceeded to lie about it forever. Recently, James tweeted accusations that Kristen was a “lunatic” who “cheats around”. Like, are you surprised? Kristen maybe cheats on Carter with Brittany (we’ll get to that later). Then (again, maybe) cheats on Carter with James in Mexico. So has Kristen really changed? I’ll let you all decide.
James and Kristen may secretly be soulmates, because oh my GOD, is this man trash. I don’t even feel comfortable calling him a man. He’s also an adult baby. With crazy eyes. James cheats on Kristen with both Lala (who thought he was single) and Jenna, which he lied about to her face, and then announced they were “definitely boning” in his interview. He also slept with Lala’s work friend while pursuing her, as evidenced by disgusting bite marks all over him. Then he cheats on his current girlfriend, Raquel, with two former SUR employees. Next, James has a suspicious relationship with his BFF Logan, who is obviously in love with him, and obviously being led on. And to top it off, James possibly cheats with Kristen, which we know thanks to some smoking pool floaties. Run, Raquel, run. Also. Does he remind anyone else of one of the Muppets?
Before Lala was with Her Man, she was the victim of being cheated with but she has yet to cheat on anyone to our knowledge. To be fair, both Jax and James told her they were single when they pursued her, so she really isn’t to blame for any of that. Lala also told Katie when Schwartz make out with her friend. Who would have thought that Lala is the only one who truly GAF about Girl Code? However, it soon came out when Lala started dating Her Man, Randall Emmett, that he had a wife and kids. It’s unclear if they were separated when he began his affair with Lala, but somehow I doubt it. He has since divorced his wife and he and Lala are engaged.
In a v surprising twist, after being cheated on and verbally abused by disgusting garbage boyfriend, Jax, Brittany is rumored to have cheated on Jax with none other than Kristen. As LVP puts it, Jax walks in on Kristen “chowing down on Kentucky muffin”. In a way, I kind of think it’s hilarious, but also, Brittany, c’mon, there are plenty of hot lesbians in LA, you can totally do better. Brittany and Kristen deny it happened, but like, that is a super weird thing for Jax to make up. Even if it’s Jax.
Oh come on, LVP and Ken are total relationship goals and I would die if either of them ever cheated. However, I also wouldn’t be surprised if they were secretly swingers. But LVP is faithful to our knowledge, although she does referee all the cheating scandals and drama with her insane staff. What would we do without her fabulous one-liners?
Images: Getty Images; Giphy (12)
Read more: https://betches.com/?p=35324